


as if stuck in a futile catastrophe

by shuanime



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Fuckbuddies, M/M, Mild Sexual Content, One-Sided Attraction, Pining, friends to fuckbuddies to sort of fucked up lovers, i didnt watch it i just read through summaries, replacement fuckbuddies, the prompt is inspired by scum's wish, the title doesnt say anything about it at all but like it will make sense after u read the thing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-29
Updated: 2020-07-29
Packaged: 2021-03-05 22:09:11
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,962
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25582642
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shuanime/pseuds/shuanime
Summary: When he notices Soonyoung drifting to sleep, Jeonghan does what he has to. He whispers as softly as he can because he knows it’s what Soonyoung needs.Because it’s the only thing Soonyoung asks of him.
Relationships: Choi Seungcheol | S.Coups/Kwon Soonyoung | Hoshi, Choi Seungcheol | S.Coups/Lee Jihoon | Woozi, Kwon Soonyoung | Hoshi/Yoon Jeonghan, Lee Jihoon | Woozi/Yoon Jeonghan, Next ship tags are one-sided
Comments: 11
Kudos: 44





	as if stuck in a futile catastrophe

**Author's Note:**

  * For [chocolatebourbon](https://archiveofourown.org/users/chocolatebourbon/gifts).



> hi hi hi hi hi ela hehehe i know ur goddess writer and i can never compare to ur Level of Amazing but i tried to slot things into place and this is how it ended up jffksdljfgjkfk
> 
> im jos hoping u like it ! thank u for the comeesh and the patience and i appreciate u a lot ♡ i hope u have yummy ulam all the time

“Hold my hand.”

Soonyoung turns to look at him, disgust written all over his face. “Why are you being randomly creepy? That’s sexual harassment.”

“Whatever you say,” Jeonghan shrugs, back lazily resting against the wall with a soft thud. “Your beloved is walking towards you, though.”

He says _beloved_ the way he knows it will tick the other off. Something about getting under Soonyoung’s skin seems satisfying to him. Nothing personal. He’s just really like that with most people. (He thinks it adds to his icy allure. Soonyoung thinks he’s an asshole.)

The younger doesn’t even have time to look back before Seungcheol’s voice starts filling his ears. “Hey, guys. Have you seen Jihoon? We’re supposed to be having lunch together, but I can’t contact him, and it’s making me worry.”

The way Seungcheol says Jihoon’s name naturally like that makes Jeonghan’s blood boil. It’s so easy, so casual and familiar. Jeonghan makes his feelings clear-cut when he replies, “We’re not his keeper.”

 _Sounds like something Cain said to God,_ Soonyoung thinks. But it sounds right to Jeonghan. Soonyoung casts a glare towards him—a silent _be_ _nice—_ because there’s no way his _darling_ Seungcheol should be disrespected. But _fuck_ _that_ , Jeonghan returns the glare.

“You know him, he just might be sleeping somewhere,” Soonyoung offers, smiling brightly. “Have you tried looking at the library?”

“Oh, yeah,” Seungcheol lets out a sigh of relief. He smiles, and Jeonghan sees how Soonyoung visibly deflates upon hearing love just disgustingly oozing from his voice. “I forgot for a second he does that.”

“Yeah…” Soonyoung mumbles. His hand heedlessly makes its way in Jeonghan’s hand Seungcheol’s eyes flit to it. His hand is clammy (as expected from Soonyoung), but what rouses his interest more are the tremors.

“So…” Seungcheol’s gaze lingers at their hands before looking back at them. “You two, huh?”

Neither one of them makes a sound to confirm or deny that. Usually, their friends just look at them for an uncomfortable amount of time and then brush it off as dating or, sometimes even, _love_ , so it’s not likely for someone, much less the person Soonyoung would kill to keep, to straight-up ask about… whatever it is that they have.

Seungcheol continues, looking at Jeonghan as he speaks, “Ji was against it at first—your best friend can get overprotective like that. But I made sure to tell him that our _Soonie_ here is the best. There’s really nothing to worry about.”

Jeonghan falters at that.

He didn’t think he’d still care.

It has been weeks since the day Jihoon decided to cut him off his life. _Weeks_ yet it feels like there are still lifetimes ahead of atonement for Jeonghan.

There were words that Jeonghan wishes never left his lips, but they did, and now he has to live remembering Jihoon’s angry tears and shaking form when he dropped seething words meant to provoke. Meant to hurt.

He was hell-bent on ruining his happiness, blaming Jihoon for putting someone else before their friendship the moment he caught on the other’s growing feelings for Seungcheol. He knew he was deliberately making it about the friendship because he’d rather tear them down than admit that he has been in love with him the whole time. He thought Jihoon could be like him—ridiculous and childish, resisting the idea that someone else could make his best friend’s smile shine _that_ bright. Brighter than it ever was with him.

And Jeonghan cannot stomach himself, regrets everything that he said… but _one_. He knows he shouldn’t be proud of it, but he meant to make Jihoon wrap his head around the fact that Seungcheol doesn’t know him and will never know him the way he does. No one will know Lee Jihoon the way Yoon Jeonghan does.

Be that as it may, Jeonghan isn’t above asking for more than a step by step recollection of whatever Jihoon told Seungcheol about him. Even if it was filled with nothing but contempt for him, it doesn’t matter. It’s still Jihoon, and the mere thought of him still thinking about Jeonghan makes hope bloom in his chest. _Maybe I can still fix us._

It could be that Jihoon left out the part where Jeonghan breaks his heart and laid waste to their relationship since Seungcheol isn’t going for his throat. And that just waters the hope more.

He wants to know.

He wants to hear Jihoon’s thoughts about him, no matter how laughably pathetic it makes him, crushing all of the worth in himself. It’s the best he could have right now.

But Seungcheol’s phone rings and he peers at the screen, face breaking into a smile when he realizes who it is.

From there, Jeonghan is just powerless.

It’s Jihoon. He called to ask him where he was. He told him they should meet up at the cafeteria. He said he loves him.

Jeonghan doesn’t have to hear to know the contents of the exchange. It’s better that way.

It should be Jeonghan hearing those words from him. The timing, he thinks, was just lost. Seungcheol just beat him to it. If he could have had any warning sign that his Jihoon was losing himself in someone else’s arms, Jeonghan would have confessed. Bared his soul.

The timing, he thinks.

Except the timing doesn’t exist when you’ve had your entire life to do the only thing you could do to have the only thing you want.

* * *

When he’s pushed down face first on the mattress back at his apartment while Jeonghan slams balls deep in him and he’s not allowed to make a _single_ sound, it’s a little selfish.

“Fuck—ah, fuck. I’m close,” Jeonghan chokes out a moan. The firm yet controlled fingers threaded through Soonyoung’s hair tighten, and he’s tempted to cry out in pain because his scalp stings and his eyes are watery, but he can’t because, at the moment, he’s someone else.

“You’re so good for me, so beautiful.”

He makes no noise as Jeonghan fills him up and it sets him off, bringing about his own orgasm. Even so, Soonyoung takes pleasure in hearing the praises that roll off Jeonghan’s tongue when they’re skin to skin, hot and craving something to _feel_.

“ _Jihoon_.”

Even if it’s not him that Jeonghan thinks about.

As low as one can get, it doesn’t bother him at all. He kind of likes the way they are right now.

“You okay?”

“Really good. A little sore…”

“Sorry if I was too rough,” Jeonghan scoops him up to snuggle. He gets guilty after rough sex, and Soonyoung more than welcomes the coddling he gets after. Not that he ever plans on telling him that, but Jeonghan is thoughtful when his brain is not flooded by thoughts of Jihoon. He must’ve figured that out already.

“Yeah, I was wondering about that. Cheol-hyung just asked if we knew where he was. It usually doesn’t take that little to work you up.”

The caresses on his sides feel like a pat-on-the-back reassuring phrase. Like a teacher’s _good_ _job_. For enduring the death grip on his hair? Soonyoung’s not sure, but the softness makes him feel light.

“No. Not that.”

“Then? I thought you two were over. You know…” Soonyoung chuckles at how absurd it sounds. “After the BFF breakup.”

“Shut up,” Jeonghan rolls his eyes. He presses himself against Soonyoung’s side burying his face in the crook of his neck. “Just thought maybe he still cared. If he was really against it like his boyfriend said.”

“Ah.” Soonyoung internally debates whether or not to pat his head, but he was effortlessly a cum dump earlier, so he decides that’s too much Jeonghan moment for one day. “And the plot thickens.”

“No, it doesn’t. It’s the same damn plot over and over.”

He thinks it’s passionate (enough for something they can’t have). Kind of sensible (he’s not sure how, but it feels like the right word for this whole thing).

 _Or enabling brainless impulses and settling for functionality_ , a bleak voice in his head offers. _Like_ _Cavemen robots incapable of anything but simulating love through artificial means powered by carnal desire._

It’s fun to think of ways to explain to the anonymous other what their setup is supposed to be, but Soonyoung doesn’t want to pay much attention to the technicalities. It’s called endless fucking until they both feel something. It feels good, it fills a crack somewhere deep inside both of them, and if Jeonghan can have a great time with him (he can be confident when he wants to) while he thinks of Lee Jihoon, Soonyoung can indulge himself with the aftercare and the only _what_ _if_ in his life.

What if the arm beneath his head, cradling him gently, the hand stroking his sides, soothing and pampering, the man next to him asking him if he’s okay, if anything hurts, if he was too rough and too hard on him just now…

What if everything he has right now can be as good as having Seungcheol for himself?

It’s frustrating how one moment, they were spending precious time together, telling each other their deepest feelings for the universe while they lie on the floor, staring at the glow-in-the-dark stickers that 9-year-old Seungcheol stuck on his bedroom ceiling with the help of his older brother.

the next, he’s in the same room because he came over just like he used to do, except now Seungcheol has plans with his boyfriend and it’s not like high school anymore, and Soonyoung is alone, thinking about where it went wrong. Soonyoung was so sure he dropped the right hints, held his hands enough, gazed in his eyes as much as he could. He made sure to make himself known, to make his presence remembered. He carved his existence in his life. And still… nothing translated the way he expected it would.

The glimmer in Seungcheol’s eyes would only shine like that when he talks about his misadventures with him, but now Soonyoung’s chest suddenly feels heavy when he sees fondness in his eyes but hears a different name from his lips. _He never looks like that when he talks about me_.

He used to, but now he doesn’t.

It wasn’t a surprise. He didn’t wake up one day just to see the love of his life go to someone else—no. Soonyoung watched him _grow_ in love with Jihoon.

From empathy.

To a soft spot.

To adoration.

To Love.

He always thought he’d watch Seungcheol fall hard. He never thought it could be with someone else.

Seungcheol had always seemed within reach.

“How long are we going to stay this way?”

Jeonghan hums. “I can’t tell, really. Maybe until we get what we want?”

“Or maybe until one of us thinks of something else to be,” Soonyoung suggests.

“We’ll figure it out when we get there.”

Huh.

Soonyoung doesn’t mind that at all.

“Okay,” Soonyoung yawns quietly, eyelids getting heavier by the second. It’s always going to be uncanny, a little if not half wrong being in Jeonghan’s arms. He can hear his heartbeat as he rests his head on Jeonghan’s chest. It beats for someone else—Jihoon. And he can’t help thinking he has an edge… like he surpassed him at something for once.

Crazy. It keeps him alive.

When he notices Soonyoung drifting to sleep, Jeonghan does what he has to. He whispers as softly as he can because he knows it’s what Soonyoung needs.

Because it’s the only thing Soonyoung asks of him.

It’s as soft as a breath, by the skin of his teeth.

_I love you_.

It barely sounds like anyone, neither Seungcheol nor Jeonghan, but at least with it, Soonyoung can pretend, fall asleep, and forget the world.

**Author's Note:**

> i think im gonna read the scum's wish manga after this i rly like the plot but it's kinda fucked up when i imagine it all by myself without reference like my brain just goes to the Bad thing ... woosh... Bad thing. Here u go .... n i hate how i think like that... at one point i wrote jeonghan as a creepy fuck so i just scrapped the whole thing (that right there is Watered Down creepy fuck) aaaaaaaaaaaaa anyway i think soonyoung smart boy ... i think theyre both smart boys jos delusional a little but it'll pop the bubble will pop I HOPE
> 
> my [curious cat](https://curiouscat.me/shuquishy)!! also my [fanfic comeessions](https://ao3-shuanime.carrd.co/) are open if you’re interested! comeesh me hehe ♡ 
> 
> u can also buy me a cup of [[coffee](https://ao3-shuanime.carrd.co/#ko-fi)] as support (only if it’s coming from the goodness of your heart hehe please don’t feel pressured!) 
> 
> kudos, comment PRETTY PLEASE CHERRY ON TOP STRAWBERRY IF U DONT LIKE CHERRIES your feedback and feelings matter so much to me :))) thank you for reading hehehe


End file.
